Who doesn’t like new beginnings? Starting fresh, beginning anew, turning over a new leaf – it’s all a part of how we navigate this journey called life. Interestingly enough it’s part of the human condition to crave a refresh every now and then, probably because of the way that things tend to pile up in a person’s life during any given season. I can’t count the number of times that I have had to start all over again in my life – whether it be my own personal choice to do so, or life just kind of nudged me in that direction albeit certain circumstances. That being said, I love the challenge that newness brings, and how the possibility of growth can really change a person and lead them into a better version of themselves if they are willing to do the work. For myself, I have gone through a number of new beginnings over the past couple of years – transitioning from undergrad to grad school, moving to a completely different city, trying to meet new people and make new friends, no longer going by a nickname I was called my whole life, changing my hairstyle to box braids to look more mature, living alone, and becoming more independent as a woman – just to name a few!

As scary as it was stepping into all those new changes at the time, it was something that needed to happen for me to get one step closer to achieving my goals for myself and my career. I can confidently say in the present tense that all of those changes were for the better!

2022 however, hit a little different.

On paper, 2022 should’ve been my best year yet, and to a lot of people it looked like I was killing it! But in reality, my heart was breaking, my world was shattering, and I felt the loneliest I had ever felt in a long time – in my mind, it was just easier to be an actress and pretend like I had it all together.

I ended up losing almost all of my friends, went through some really ugly health challenges, wrecked my car because of a lack of sleep, and went through a very tough breakup all in the span of three months. Losing everything all at once was something that I had never really experienced before. Life as I knew it quite literally turned itself on its head, and I just had to deal with it all with a smile on my face. Because of how overwhelmed I was, I built up my walls and I shut people out. I put my faith in a boyfriend who I thought could sustain and fulfill me as a partner, which proved to be unsustainable.

Prioritizing the wrong things – my relationship over friends and family, work over my health, stress over my sleep, and fear over my faith – this is what led me down a dark mental path by the end of 2022.

I also started to slowly withdraw myself from any kind of social gatherings, and I didn’t let people into my life like I used to; I became much more private. Family members started wondering why I wasn’t responding to their calls or texts. Now looking back at it, it was really a chain reaction of sorts – I was going through a lot, so I didn’t want to hang out or talk to anyone, which led me into shame in talking to family because I know they just wanted to hear that I was alright but that just wasn’t where I was at. In reality, I was putting the weight of the world on my shoulders and taking on such an enormous burden when I didn’t have to. Ironically, 2022 actually started off pretty good in January, but somehow, I lost steam very quickly and lost sight of all my personal goals by the time the end of the year came around.

And so, that leads me up to now – where after a month of long, hard soul-searching and reflection, I decided that I was going to start prioritizing myself and my mental health a WHOLE lot more in 2023 after all that I had been through. Through many reflective nights I discovered that even though there was so much pain and suffering in 2022, I came out of it alive and well, and that even amidst the unnerving chaos I did not break, and I did not lose who I was. By the grace of God I managed to unlock a strength and a courage that I NEVER saw myself having after such a crazy year last year!

2023 is already something I am very much looking forward to, and now more than ever I have a fire that is lit underneath me to do all the things that I couldn’t do in 2022. I am in a headspace now where I know exactly what I do want and exactly what I don’t want. In addition, this new clarity and direction has given me peace in the steps that I need to take going forward in my own personal and vocational goals.

Letting go of the past is the first step to healing and moving forward, which I am actively in the process of doing. I have created healthier habits for myself as well as boundaries with others so that I can have more successful friendships and relationships this year. I will also take my own advice and ACTUALLY reach out if I am struggling and need help – it can only benefit me despite me thinking that I am Superwoman and can do it all 100% of the time!

I am eating better, thinking better, and moving better. Knowing that we are all wildly different, beautiful beings who are still able to connect through experiences we have gone through has made me feel more connected than ever. That is what community and having a support system is all about, and is also one of the main reasons why I started this blog! 

My new beginning is built on the fact that anything and everything could happen this year – I just have to be open to it. I am excited to see what the future holds for me, but I am equally as excited to see what the future holds for you (: Writing has been a passion of mine for some time now, but I am so thrilled that I am finally able to share my heart with others who are supporting me on this new and exciting journey!

THIS is my new beginning. I’m starting fresh this year and I hope you can too (: Let me leave you with a little poem about new beginnings:

as she closed the book of her old life

sighing relief as she finally let go

she carved a path to a new beginning

writing a new chapter

the uneasy feeling of change soon faded away

and for the first time in a while her soul felt free

-Peta Ramia

What’s your new beginning?