Have you ever been in a situation with someone where you feel like your time together is coming to an end, and that little voice in your head is screaming, “Hey, it’s time to move on!” I know I’ve been there, and to me that voice is the scariest when it’s a relationship that is really difficult to let go of. Sometimes the hardest part of letting someone go is knowing that you have to close the door completely, with no turning back to what once was. 

Moving forward seems daunting when you have to pick up the pieces and go back to the drawing board, especially when whispers of failure tend to ring loud in your ear. That being said, I think we all know that you can’t go anywhere in life by standing still; you have to move forward. Staying stuck or looking back at a failed relationship brings nothing but pain and remorse. So, we have to move on and look toward what CAN bring us joy!

Isn’t it interesting how often times we are so loving, caring, and sympathetic towards other people’s situations, but when we deal with the same issues in our lives we neglect to give ourselves that same grace? We are so hard on ourselves sometimes, and what we should understand is that we will all fall and stumble at some point, that’s a given. But the most important takeaway from it is how we grow, and ultimately how we learn from the mistakes that we’ve made. 

Something that tends to happen in the process of moving on is comparison; it’s the part where we compare our past successes to our most recent mishaps and wonder, “how did I get here?” To be clear – just because you may not be where you once were does NOT mean that you can’t get back there in some capacity (if that’s what you’re aiming for). Having a setback doesn’t handicap you for life, and it definitely doesn’t define what’s ahead of you, that is, unless you let it. This goes back to the whole mindset thing, and it usually requires a lot of self-awareness, grace, and patience with ourselves to get to a place where we can accept the fact that moving on is a healthy and normal part of life. What’s ahead may seem like a mystery sometimes, but if we keep our eye on the prize with our head held high then it makes it hard to lose sight of the amazing things that are to come! Additionally, there is so much beauty and possibility in the unknown, so instead of fighting your feelings it’s good to just let go and give yourself to better opportunities in the long run. Holding onto people and situations from the past that no longer serve you will only hold you back. 

As difficult as moving on can be, I have found that making a list of goals to work towards/anticipate for the future keeps my mind off the past, and instead focused on what’s ahead. I try to make those goals even bigger and better than past goals so that I can really train myself to take a leap of faith when needed. The idea is that every goal I make needs to be better than the last one, so that I can keep my life moving in a healthy upward trajectory. However, it is still important to allow ourselves to make mistakes along the way, allowing for grace to comfort us in knowing that we will mess up sometimes, and it’s okay. It’s hard, but there is no point in beating yourself up over a string of bad decisions that you may have made in the past – use those bad decisions as a lesson and a guide to direct you into a healthier and more fulfilling path instead (: No one likes going through difficult times, but hard lessons can teach us things that sometimes even periods of stillness can’t. The key is to KEEP moving and to not allow those hard times to cripple your strength. So, the next time you go through something challenging, ask yourself – how can I turn this situation into something I can benefit from?

I recently had to deal with a situation exactly like this. An ex entered into my life again unexpectedly, and I panicked when it happened. I was conflicted in my feelings because I knew this person was not good for me, but just seeing them again flooded my heart and my mind with all of the memories we had from the past. I knew we were not together for a good reason, but I ended up being blinded by the sneaky comfort that nostalgia brings. In spending more time with him, it was really beginning to look like we were well on our way to getting back together. Are you seeing the problem here? I put myself in a position where I convinced myself that I wouldn’t catch feelings again, but that is so much easier said than done. I tried to be in control of the situation, but I ended up losing control instead. I fell all over again, and the guilt was getting louder and louder every day that I entertained getting back together. It was AWFUL, and I felt so much shame in it. On the back end, I had to take a step back and ask, why did I do that? Was there really anything to gain from that? Was that relationship ever beneficial from the start and did it ever serve me? I DEFINITELY felt like a failure in that moment. But I also had to remember that just because I erred in my judgement, it doesn’t mean that I am a failure and a bad person. Like I mentioned above, it’s hard for me to give myself that grace sometimes. If my friend told me that they were in the same predicament, I would do nothing but give them a great big hug and tell that them that it’s okay, letting them know that that situation doesn’t define who they are. I need to show myself that same grace, and I’ll admit, it’s an ongoing journey. 

Now that the situation with my ex has ended, I do feel a sense of relief and lightness that I didn’t have when I was in it. Ending something and setting boundaries with someone is the hardest thing to do when you have a history there, but it is absolutely necessary in order to move on. Now the door is open to so much more and so much better for me (: That space in my heart that craves to be loved is now open to someone who will know how to treat me with the respect and honor I deserve as a woman. I’m not going to allow a toxic relationship to deter me from the hope and true love that I know still exists!

Since this recent situation, moving on no longer seems scary; instead it feels hopeful. Because of what happened, I most definitely will not allow myself to get stuck in a situation like that again. I can’t change what happened, but I will also not allow it to overtake me and dampen my hope for the future. The past is the past, and moving on is the best thing I can do for myself. What’s meant to be will be, and I have come to realize that the right people will come into my life at the right time. Putting my foot down and closing that chapter completely was the only option for me to move on. Additionally, learning from my mistakes will only leave me stronger in the end! I am excited for what’s to come, and it is the most freeing feeling to know that there IS something greater coming (:

Life here on Earth is short, so don’t waste it dwelling in the wastelands of your past. We can all learn from our past mistakes and be in control of what we want for our future.

No matter where you are in life, young or old, there is always an opportunity to learn and to grow. So let’s stop stressing about our past and give flight to the amazing future that’s ahead of us (:

What are you moving on from?